What I have to do is I have to find the place where what I have believed, or the culture of the religion I have been within, has been destructive to me and pull that part out.
The moment I say, “I am a Christian” the surety I have found in myself in the last two weeks begins to weaken. For, on a fundamental level, what I have done is shut down access to my interior--to my heart, to my soul—from religion.
My self-conversation has been more positive. More sure. More strong. More action oriented. Less self abusing, degrading, and damaging.
Any openness to this idea, “I am a Christian” brings the flood of insecurity back.
I can’t have it. Won’t have it.
Where is the balance? Is there a the definition that brings peace and strength?
My inclination is to stay in this place, to continue, with "I am done with it." I will establish the patterns and habits within this new paradigm. Then deal with this question, or perhaps it will integrate organically and settle itself.
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