Part 1 : Chapter 2 : Meanie Beanie Weenie

this blog is meant to be read in consecutive order, starting with the previous entries first.

I am, by nature, an exhorter.

I like people to feel good about themselves. It's part of why I loved being a pastor.

The world of a junior high person changes weekly, daily, hourly, but being able to be there for them, to give them hope and the stability the Word offers, well, it just felt right.

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"You make everyone in the room feel good about themselves," is what an ex-girlfriend said. It was a dig of some kind, a shot at me.

"I know," I said, a little befuddled as to why this part of my character was a bad thing, "I'm a real jerk."

We didn't date for much longer.

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A painting professor in college pointed out how I was constantly exhorting and edifying my fellow students and their work. (I thought I was providing even-handed critiques.)

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Years ago, my sister and I were having a discussion about a friend of ours. I saw a man floundering, his liberal viewpoint on grace the only thing keeping his head above the water, keeping him in the church (where we could help him). She saw a guy who needed to get his act together. Pronto. (She wanted to get the process started.)

My stepmom, who is a pastor, piped up, "She's there to bring them to repentance. You're there to put them back together." We laughed.

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I might have a problem, it occured to me after posting my first entry, writing this blog.

My M.O.--everybody feeling good about themselves--might get in the way.

I may have some things to say that some folks will feel are not very complimentary.

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I was a full-on churchie. I didn't live in the church culture, I embraced it, was surrounding by it, immersed in it. It was my choice, not something my parents forced on me. From 13 to 29, it was my world.

I had the t-shirts.

I listened to only Christian music. (SEE 1.1)

I was one of the kids praying in the foyer before school.

I talked to other kids about Jesus and knowing God.

Christ was a living and breathing expression in my life, of my life.

Therefore, I understand what it feels like to be in the church looking out at the "unsaved." Sometimes they're scary. They dress weird. They do weird stuff... if nothing else, they're just different.

What I had never experienced is being outside of the church looking in.

It's where I find myself now.

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I don't proclaim to be the end-all-be-all voice on the state of the modern church or of Christianity in America, far from it.

I'm a guy with a story to share. It is a tale from my point of view.

In the end, it's my hope that this journal will be good for people who have had my experience, and provide some insight to those who haven't, on both sides of the fence.

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1.1 Christian Music - Back in high school, I had this crazy idea that I shouldn't lust after girls. In that effort, I was trying to figure out why I was thinking about sex all the time. (The first answer is, of course, I was a teenager.) Even with that "condition," however, I felt God told me listening to pop radio didn't help matters. "Music is a meditation," He said, "Songs stick with you, the words stick with you, the words and sentiments stirring around and around in your heart." (Psalm 104:33-34, for one.)

A sample lyric from one of my favorite bands at the time, INXS, shows there is validity to this:

I need you tonight
'Cause I'm not sleeping
There's something about you girl
That makes me sweat

Yeah, I don't know why that sort of song would be a problem.*

* Humor. I'll use it from time to time.